If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
