It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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