I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
