Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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