i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
