Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
