I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
