you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
