I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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