Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
