I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
