Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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