ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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