I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
