My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
