I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I pour the whiskey from now on
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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