Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
