Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
