You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
