I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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