Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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