sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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