at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think i have two assholes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
