Im at strip club and am horny
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
