turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
