Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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