Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
