Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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