handjob tips. give me some.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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