If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
