why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
