It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Screwed.edu
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
