His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
