you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The air taste purple.
Randomize
