My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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