she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
