): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
