my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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