had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
