this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
