I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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