i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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