My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
