Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
