She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
