i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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