who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
