Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
