The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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