Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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