Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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