Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
