I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
