Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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