as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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