My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
